"I'm seriously moving to Africa."

I haven't written about this conversation yet because I am still totally floored. You hope that you don't have it at least until they are in high school, but 5th grade at the earliest! Brendan busted it out a few weeks ago: "I'm going to go live with someone else!"

Jaw dropping.

Devastating.

Totally hysterical.

I am only going to write about the FIRST HALF of this story. It would be a whole novel if I don't. I will post the next half tomorrow. Or when I get around to it.

I have mentioned before that my son turns into Mr. Hyde while totally tired and delirious, so let me start by explaining the circumstances for the outrage:

Jason lives to bug and torture little kids. He thinks that this is the greatest fun in the whole world. You should see my little niece Katie who is almost 3. She is terrified of Jason. He gives her that little growl that sends her crying to her mom or dad. And he will do it ALL NIGHT. No remorse, just pure satisfaction that he is tormenting this little girl. So, on this particular night with Brendan, we were playing with a few balloons. (If you want cheap entertainment and toys for the kiddos, nothing beats hitting a balloon around the room for 2 hours.) One balloon in the pack had Mickey Mouse on it. This one was his favorite. Bentley LOVES balloons too. He loves to pop them. He loves to attack them and pop them. You can not play with a balloon without Bentley trying to get it. Jason took the MM balloon and started tossing it to the dog. If you drop it down on him from the top he will try to nip it, but it just pushes it back up in the air. I really should take video of it sometime. Brendan kept begging dad to not let Bentley pop his favorite balloon. A few minutes go by- and POP. Tears followed. Strike one, dad.
Now that we have an official bedtime routine, you better darn well follow it. Kids thrive on structure and continuity. (Those are my $5 words for the day.) It was daddy's turn to put him to bed. I do it most nights, but why? I needed a break. Jason had the audacity to ruin his bedtime by ad libbing the words to his books. He may not be able to read, but he knows how the story goes. He was upset. Crying started again. Strike two.
As they were lying down with the Bat Light on, Jason started singing to him. Making up the words again. Usually this is a great and fun past time for the boys. Mostly Jason. But tonight, notsomuch. Strike three. Brendan was absolutely broken at this point. "I'm going to go live with someone else!" He cried.

Jason, completely shocked: "Why?"

B, still sobbing throughout: "Because daddy puts me in time out too many times and I cry! And he's mean to me! I'm taking all of my stuff and- maybe some toys! And I'm going to take Bentley! And I'm going to go get a goldfish! I'm just going to go live with someone else!"

J, antagonistically: "What are you going to do? Hunt for food?"

B: "No, I'm going to the cabin."

J, again: "What are you going to do, hunt for food?"

B: "No, I'll take food. And I'll sleep on the floor in my sleeping bag by the bed upstairs! I'll ask Paul for the keys." (Obviously talking about the cabin they were just at.)

At this point, as I was listening from the other room, I come in. Apparently this isn't ending well- or at all for that matter. If dad was that upsetting then Mama is needed to calm him down. I had let it go on for about 30 minutes. (What? I was interested in what he was saying!) I sat down on the bed and lovingly said "Brendan- we love you so, so much and would be so sad if you went to live with another family. Besides, no one you move in with will be as nice as us. They won't even let you play X-box."

Brendan, after a moment of thought: "I'll take my OWN X-box. And I'll take Nick (cousin) and we'll get all of the guys." (Meaning all of the characters you accumulate on "Lego Star Wars".) More sobbing broke out.

W-he-hel- if you've thought that thoroughly about it.