Coming out of the dark

I had a bad case of "Poor you!". In case you didn't know, that is the technical psychiatric term for depression. The Mad Scientist would listen to my case and as I spoke he would scribble in his notebook and just say to me 'Poor you' and 'Oh dear'. All the while not looking me directly in the eyes. I could literally see the wheels turning, trying to come up with the answer to the puzzle. He had it on the tip of his tonge. Poor me. I'm definately going to be using it. You can use it too, if you'ld like. "Don't mind me, I'm just having a Poor Me day." We usually call it a high anxiety day, or a 11.3 on a scale of 10. Please don't mess with me- I'm at an 11.

He had put me on a medication that not only DIDN'T help at all, but it made me gain weight. It made me so hungry all the time and gain weight. Does that help depression at all? NO- I tell you, it does not. So now I'm depressed and fat. Great. Does it also help to STILL be remodeling your house, and having a baby that cries all the time? Another emphatic NO.

In all fairness to the remodeling, we are doing it as much as we can while Jason has days off. It has been one thing after another with this house. We do this- and this other thing needs to be done. Then that other thing didn't work, so we need to get a new thing. IT NEVER ENDS! One of Jason's brother's asked what it was like to actually have a house to remodel? Jason's answer- "It's like being kicked in the balls, over and over and over again." If I had balls, I would agree.

After giving the new medication the proper 6-8 weeks to work, I told him that it just wasn't working. My rage and depression actually got worse. I kept thinking that any moment now it's going to kick in and I'm going to feel fine. It didn't. The old medicine I was on was working fine up until after the birth, but then the hormones got way off balance. I asked him if we could just try them again to see if maybe my body regulated somewhat and maybe they would work again. So, he did- and I can breathe. It's like I was being held under water and I finally came back up for that first gasp of air.

The past few months have been interesting to say the least. Addison is actually turning a corner on her colic. That in itself is making me more sane. My being happy has, I'm sure, been helping her too. It is so nice to have a baby that doesn't cry 90% of the time. She turned the corner after we left her with Jason's parents when we went to Disneyland. I think she is afraid we'll leave her again if she didn't quit being so fussy. Either way- it's a good thing. But having 2 for 2 colicy babies and double the Post Partum Depression is enough for me. We're done. Double stamped it. (But don't quote me on that.)