Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What is this guilty feeling?

For five and a half years now Brendan has been my whole life. He had the center of my attention. He was the star of my home movies and pictures. We are so excited to have a new addition to our family, but I feel like I am cheating on him. I am not scared to be a new mom. The mommy instincts have come right back into my mind like it was yesterday. I also know that I am having the baby blues right now. I cry at least five 20 times a day and it's not because of why I cried when I first had Brendan. With him the post partum was because "What the crap was I thinking wanting a kid?" "How am I ever going to be a good mother?" "Nothing I do will ever be right!" Now I cry because my first love is getting pushed aside and is having to share the love that I have for him with a baby sister.

Don't get me wrong. I love this little girl more than anything. It's weird to think that you can love the next child with the same passion as you did your first. I didn't think it would be possible.

One website that I look at occasionally had a panel conversation on this very issue. Apparently I am not the only one to think about this. The funny thing is that when I went over to the site I started reading the commentary and thought "This is EXACTLY what I have been feeling!"
I have copied the clip and put it down below.

Did any of you go through this? If so, how did you come to terms with it? A couple of my best friends came over for a visit the other night. One just had her 5th child and so I asked her about her thoughts on the matter. She said "I think the best gift you can give your child is a sibling." I have thought about that sentence at least 10 times a day. She is absolutely right! I mean, I did want to give Brendan a sibling. In fact, when he was a baby and watching the Disney Channel there was a little boy that had a pet turtle. He said that the turtle was his best friend because he didn't have any brothers or sisters. From that day I vowed that that wouldn't happen to my son. I had planned, however, to have a sibling closer to his age. That, of course, did not happen as hoped. I asked Brendan if he liked having a sister. He said that he did, and that he wanted me to have another "kid". This time he wants twins. I said I'll have another kid when Dad can carry it for 9 months.

8 comments:

  1. I TOTALLY went through the same thing! I sobbed thinking Kylie was never going to know how much I loved her! I will say, you do get over it and sometimes I still feel like Sadie takes all my attention, but then I just make sure to spend one on one time with Ky.

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  2. Totally did to. When Bryn was born I was depressed for like the first month or so cause I couldn't devote all my time to isabel and I felt she was getting neglected! I just made sure to leave the baby with daddy and take her to do stuff just us to and the same thing with daddy.. He will be fine.. Isabel turned out just great!

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  3. I did too. Hazel had to share me with two other siblings all of a sudden not only that but because of my bed rest I wasn't able to take care of her for three months before I gave birth. I felt horrible that I couldn't even be her normal mom while pregnant. I always leave the twins with Isaac and take Hazel with me when I go grocery shopping so we have our one on one time.

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  4. just keep telling brendan how much you love him and give him as many kisses as you did before. sometimes i mentally have to remember to do that. i realized that i hadn't squeezed brady for a few days and when i asked for a really big hug and was hugging him, he said, "that's all!"

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  5. I don't know if you ever visit Mormon Mommy blogs, but if not, do it now. It is all about your situation! Love Ya!

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  6. sometimes all you need do is
    lay on the floor and let them play and jump on you.


    pop

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  7. I agree, it's a totally normal feeling. But, sad anyway.

    Just stumbled on your blog. Lovely family!

    Mariel
    www.oneshetwoshe.com

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  8. I totally know what you are talking about....I remember kissing my second son when my first would leave the room so he wouldn't see....then one day I realized that I was cheating my second child..I just stopped cold turkey and loved on that baby like crazy! Then once your oldest sees you loving them both he will be fine...also, what helped is sometimes I would let the baby cry and read my oldest a book...even though the baby was crying and crying...I would keep reading...just to show my oldest that i still have time for him and it isn't always pushed aside... good luck and once you see them play together, you will realize the gift you have given your oldest....someone that he can grow old with and play with....there isn't a better gift..it just takes a while to realize it.

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