I've had over 10 of them. Most of them abdominal. I'm like the Grand Poobah of surgery, the gold standard of what's to happen before, during, and after surgery. This one was supposed to be particularly easy too, since they didn't even have to cut me open. They could do this Hysterectomy vaginally. Which is basically the easiest thing, right? No scar pain, no wounds to heal. Just a sore inner core that will ache for a while. Which is fine, I'm used to the aching. That's why they took it out.
Ahem... Let's start over.
I am infertile. It's no secret. Well, lets say mostly infertile. Definitely not sterile, but not Fertile Mertyle. (Cue super cute pictures of my two successful attempts in the side bar -------->)
Before my pregnancy with Brendan, around 2001, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. This was after already a year or so of being on fertility drugs and a cyst on my left ovary the size of a grapefruit (that was laparoscopically removed) from said fertility drugs. I then underwent surgery to remove the endometriosis not too long after. It was another year or so before I would get pregnant and everything was fine for a few years after.
It was in 2006 that I had another Laparoscopy which they removed a minimal amount of endometriosis after more pain and discomfort. At that time we were unsuccessfully trying for another baby and they performed a Hysterosalpingogram while they were in there.
Fast forward to 2010 where I was treated for a then believed uterine infection. In 2011 when a recurrent pain turned out not to be another uterine infection the doctor suspected that the return of the endometriosis was upon us and that the previous was most likely not an infection either. I think I just typed the worlds longest run on sentence. Are you with me? Plus, I have a bladder that would leak every time I sneezed, coughed, ran, jumped, or just stand there. So that was a definate fix.
So here were my options:
- Live with the endometriosis and related pelvic pain since this is a disease that never goes away. Deal with the fact that I never have a period due to inovulation which runs the risk of endometrial cancer, so I would be on monthly hormone treatments to treat all said B.S.
- Have a Hysterectomy. AND fix my bladder while they were in there.
This was a big decision. Bigger than big, this was huge. Take away my baby maker? Yes, it's true that Jason and I both decided two kids were enough work (getting them here) but what about the sentimental part of it? This is the place that housed my growing fetuses, or feti- as it were. We worked hard to get them here, and now I'm just going to throw it away after a laboratory pokes and prods it. Although, I'll tell you what... it sure sounds nice to not have to worry about all of that hormone crap anymore. Dealing with problems stemming from before we even got married having the Depo Prevera shot. It wasn't until later doctor's appointments trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me that they told me this was the very drug they gave sex offenders in prison to ward off their sexual desires. Something every newly wed husband want to hear! "Sorry, honey- I just don't want to even have you touch me. I don't care that it's our wedding night." And here I thought I was being strong in temptations before the wedding. HA! Jokes on me! And the beauty of this shot was that it lasts for THREE MONTHS! Now the joke was on Jason.
Heavy heartedly I took this matter to the Lord. I was very confused on what to do for several months. Although I wanted Him to just tell me what I should do, I knew that I had to decide for myself. Stupid rule. This world would be so much simpler if we could just get Him to tell us what to do. So I finally decided. I needed this freedom, I needed to have it done and over with. I was going to have it out. So I prayed, and I prayed and I prayed some more. One night it came to me. And with the biggest and loudest confirmation he told me everything was going to be okay. He knew what I was going through and that everything would be okay. He knew why I was doing it, and he comforted me in that decision. I can not tell you how light my shoulders felt that night. The weight of the world had been lifted. Loving arms surrounded me, both spiritually and literally.
Ahhhh... no more worries. To be FREE mentally of fertility issues, menstrual issues, pain, hormones, worry, pain and more pain and more worry. I can not tell you the freedom I feel from that mental prison! I have not had one regret since it's been done. Not.One. This feeling is going to be almost as good as not peeing my pants ever again, and never having a period again. Oh wait- I never had any periods to begin with.
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